Kareoke will never be a sober sport
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
