Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
