Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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