you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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