Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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