no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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