So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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