508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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