Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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