If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
