I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
