My sheets look like a crime scene.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize