4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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