I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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