I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
