Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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