So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize