like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
