I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
