just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize