This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
