It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
