i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
