Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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