tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
