so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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