i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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