How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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