why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
