dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's never too late to be topless.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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