garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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