Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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