xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
