You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
