drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
