all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The best revenge is premature balding
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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