I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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