I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
