Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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