I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
