She's JV to your varsity
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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