Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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