Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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