How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
