note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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