if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
