I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
