You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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