Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
