your room smells of hookers.
And success
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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