I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
