i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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