whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
