I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
