Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.

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(368): View more from

you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

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(970): View more from Colorado

I feel like my teeth are sweating.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

there's a liquor store near my therapist

(617): View more from Massachusetts

i might give it a shot.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad

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(778): View more from British Columbia

All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.

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(443): View more from Maryland

OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER

(443): View more from Maryland

Still got in the car though

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