She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
