It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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