How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
