so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
