Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
