I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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