I hope mine doesn't look like that
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize