I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she looked like the before picture.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
