Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
