This gyro tastes like lonliness
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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