Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Please don't give away my fajitas
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize